Bereavement Article
Individual and Couple Counselling in Bude

Bereavement & Grief

Everyone will grieve in their own unique way, it is one of the most difficult emotions that we ever have to cope with. Those around us may be full of ideas about how you’re supposed to deal with how we are feeling, but it is often something that we go through alone. Some of us try hard to ‘put on a brave face’, but the hurt is often too much to bear. Sometimes, our friends stay away, afraid that they are imposing upon our grief, not really knowing what to say to us. It is important for us to be clear that this is our grief, not anyone else's. We will need to grieve our own way, in our own time.

We may find it difficult to concentrate on just about anything and all we can seem to focus on is the person who has passed away, or how they passed, or maybe our lives together before our loved one died. Some of us, feel the need,to be around other people even more than before. Tragically, that is when many people stay seem to stay away, seemingly for fear of upsetting us further Some of us respond outwardly, while others keep things to themselves. Some of us prefer to have our close network of friends around us, and others prefer to be left alone.

Normal, healthy grief has many possible expressions and can reveal itself in different ways. We are all individuals with our own personality, life experiences, our own understanding of life and death and our own relationship with the one who has died. Despite our individual uniqueness, we’ll probably discover an overall pattern to our grief as it progresses  and maybe we shouldn’t expect to feel any particular way. Al;though our feelings often begin with a sense of shock and numbness, especially if the death was sudden. Everything seems to be so unreal. There may be a time when a deep sense of pain sets in. This is often followed by sadness, loneliness, helplessness, and fear may come over you in powerful waves. Anger and guilt may do the same, and continue for a while. In the fullness of time there often comes a slow acceptance of what has happened, but it’s not necessarily a happy acceptance. A time of gradual reawakening often occurs eventually, though no one can predict when this may be, timing is different for each individual. Energy begins to return, so does hope and finally there comes a time of renewal. We may find that we forge a new relationship with the person who died, a relationship that, in many respects, transcends time and is filled with beautiful memories.  

The loss of a loved one can test our faith and our views of life. There will always be sad memories, that’s pretty much a normal response, especially if we were especially close to the person. Although, in time, we will begin to remember our loved one without experiencing the unbearable pain, it will become a different kind of sadness. If we simply cannot cope after a reasonable time, talking with an experienced counsellor can often help us come to terms with our feelings of grief. Counsellors are trained to assist us in working through any issues we may be facing. It is perfectly alright to ask for one session with me to see if we will both be able to work together, but remember, I too have felt grief, so you can be assured of compassion, empathy and understanding.

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